


We Should All Just Stab Caesar

by CosmoKid



Series: Seduce Me With Your History Knowledge [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Fluff, History Jokes, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Mean Girls References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 12:12:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15291276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmoKid/pseuds/CosmoKid
Summary: In which Stiles continues to make history jokes even in sentimental moments that should really be taken seriously, but Derek is too in love with him to care.





	We Should All Just Stab Caesar

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to [You Can't Spell Revolution Without Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12916533)  
> but I'm pretty sure it can be read alone

Derek knows something is off when Stiles insists on having a Caesar salad. He doesn’t say anything when Stiles orders it because he’s not about to make a scene and stress the poor waiter out who looks like she’s been on shift for twelve hours. But still, he knows something is up.

For one, Stiles _doesn’t like_ Caesar salads and for two, Stiles orders the same thing every single time they go to this restaurant. Derek has his order memorized. His boyfriend is also a little too dressed up considering the fact that it’s normal for him to just wear a simple white shirt and black skinny jeans. Tonight, he’s wearing something similar in terms of a grey shirt and black skinny jeans, but also a silky-looking waistcoat. He’s paired it with brogues which is a surprise since Stiles basically lives in Converse.

Not that Derek minds. Stiles looks even more ridiculously attractive than normal and you’d never be able to guess his age. That’s something Derek has never quite mastered; it’s probably something to do with his fancy for glasses, a beard, and sweater vests. Stiles says he's a hipster Grandpa in training.

When the food arrives, Stiles gets a mischievous look in his eyes and smirks at Derek, and at that point, he knows that something is up. Without breaking eye contact, Stiles takes his knife and stabs the Caesar salad and says “one” in a deep voice.

Derek pauses, holding his cutlery in the air with his elbows on the table. He stares at his boyfriend with a confused look on his face. “Stiles?”

Stiles replies by stabbing his salad again and he says “Two.”

His eyebrows furrow and Derek continues to stare as Stiles does it for a third, fourth, fifth and a sixth time. He knows where this is going; he’s a damn History Professor, but he can’t fathom why Stiles is doing it now. This is the type of thing Stiles would have done on their high school dates, not now since they are actually adults no matter how unlikely it appears.

“Seven,” Stiles says in a singsong voice and Derek gives up on trying to understand what Stiles is doing. He just tucks into his sirloin steak and lets Stiles carry on with his weird ceremonial stabbing.

It’s fair to say that the conversation over dinner is pretty dry.

Stiles finally stops after the twenty-second stab. The abrupt silence alerts Derek to it and he stops eating, putting his cutlery down. He swallows the bit of steak he was chewing and glances around. Nothing weird has happened around them so there must be another reason why Stiles stopped.

“Stiles?” he asks, not sure where this is going all of a sudden. 

“Care to do the final honor, Der-Bear?” Stiles offers. Derek narrows his gaze and his nose twitches. He has no idea what Stiles’ goal is here.

Cautiously, he takes the outreached knife from his boyfriend’s hand. “You want me to stab Caesar?”

Stiles nods, grinning like mad. “The final stab.”

He sighs and holds the knife over the salad. His hands hover over the plate for a few seconds before he stabs it with maybe too much hesitation. The knife catches something and he frowns although Stiles is still nodding and smiling. He moves the knife a little, trying to catch what it is before lifting it up.

The silver ring catches the light just right (well, wrong) and Derek is momentarily blinded. He stares at it for a few seconds before a small smile grows on his face without permission.

“You like it, thank Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades,” Stiles says in a rushed voice and Derek looks up to meet his eyes. He hasn’t seen Stiles this nervous since their second first date. “Okay, so I had this whole long speech planned, but as Marc Abrahams says, long speeches suck and everyone talks too much. And since hiring a little girl to walk over and tell me to stop because she’s bored might be a little weird, even for me, I’ll do that part myself. Plus, I’ve already forgotten it all because you in a sweater vest is so attractive, it might as well be illegal.”

Stiles pauses for air and Derek chuckles. The moment is slightly surreal and he feels almost like he’s floating in air. He’s elated.

His boyfriend smiles at him and coughs before speaking again, “So, I’m just going to say that you, Derek Antonius Hale, have been with me through everything and you _are_ my everything. Our relationship began with me making God-awful jokes in history class and we’ve had some bumps along the way, but we’re here. We’ve made it. And so have my bad history jokes which really, I wouldn’t have been surprised if you left me just for that which you haven’t, which is amazing and you’re just amazing. Okay, okay, I need to keep on track, okay. So, uh… Those few years where we weren’t together feel almost non-existent now that I get to wake up next to you every day. It's like waking up to a God every day. It's everything I could dream of. And now that we’re reaching thirty, and oh my God, how are we nearly thirty? Where did those years go? Anyway, we’re reaching thirty and it’s been nearly four years since we reconnected and you know, had a second first date and began dating again. That accidental phone call was a blessing from like, King Umberto I of Italy. But, anyway, we’re getting older and we’ve been dating for a quite a while now, and I, I’m ready to take the next step with you, and I uh I hope you’re ready to take it with me because I ordered a dish I hate just for this proposal and to make that joke.”

Derek’s crying now, he can’t help it. It’s not the most articulate or the most romantic speech in the history of man, but it’s the epitome of Stiles. It’s everything he could ever want.

“So, Derek Antonius Hale, will you marry me?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :)
> 
> References:  
> -[Assassination of Julius Caesar](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination_of_Julius_Caesar)  
> -[Ig Nobel Prize created by Marc Abrahams](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ig_Nobel_Prize%22)  
> -[King Umberto I of Itality (not sure how accurate it is but it's kinda well known so idk)](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/9a/e3/7c/9ae37c0d0e0a71a307f7e120b344b13f.jpg)  
> i keep making loads of obscure references in my fics so i thought i'd point out some of them in the notes from now on
> 
>  
> 
> come make bad history jokes and references with me on [tumblr](https://cosmo-k-i-d.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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